Showing posts with label short funny sayings. Show all posts

Funny quotes and sayings

Short funny quotes

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

- Anonymous

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

- Anonymous

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

- Anonymous

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

- Anonymous

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.

Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.

Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.

But when you fart just one time...

- Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your

birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

- Anonymous

“I’ve realized you can use a fork as a spoon if you use it rapidly enough.”

— John Mayer

Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.

— Unknown

Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station, almost 5.00/gallon.

— Unknown

“I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.”

— Unknown

“They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck…”

— Unknown